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The current period represents a full decade since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {