The Words from A Father That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth soon turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who continue to absorb damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."